


If all else perished, and he remained

by carpesidera



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: A lot of pain, A lot of pain and suffering, Aaron is Awesome, Andrew Minyard Has Feelings, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Violence, M/M, Raven Neil Josten, Raven!Neil, injured neil, so much suffering, warning for blood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-09-17 23:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16983948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpesidera/pseuds/carpesidera
Summary: Neil never made it back to the Foxes and stayed with the Ravens to keep his family safe.So what would happen when the first game he plays is against the foxes.





	1. One

Neil POV

Neil felt the heat of the lights on his face, the Exy court was before him in all its glory.

Being back on the foxes territory was meant to be a happy moment, a moment for him to finally breathe freely but he wasn’t there in orange, instead the black too soft material of the Ravens jersey seemed to suck in all the light the always fluorescent court offered. 

It had been months since his last interaction with the Palmetto Foxes, since he had lied about where he would spend the summer. The lie had been feed to easily to his friends, who would have waited by their phones at the end of summer for his call. Neil knew Matt would have driven to the airport daily in hopes that every flight from the major cities would bring him back, he knew Nicky would have called everyone and anyone to find him. But the fact that made his pain disappear was that Andrew would have returned to the team, unhurt and clean because of Neil.

And that made everything worth it.

“Get your head in the game Josten.” Jean hissed at him, his french rushed and heated as the backliner pushed Neil to the front of the line, to the left of Riko.

Neil knew his place, knew what to do so that his already injured body didn’t get torn to shreds after the game. 

With a deep breathe he took stock of his current injures, there was at least 48 stitches across his chest, he could count at least three broken ribs with maybe another two fractured or seriously bruised. His left wrist and shoulder were bandaged after being pulled from their sockets and ripping tendons. But none of these injured would show to his friends, Riko made sure of that.

“Keep his face pretty,” the sadistic man had said before the older team members laid into him, “I want Kevin to see how pretty he still is.”

So they had, his face was bare of any injures, bar the dark circles he knew would never leave him and the permanent tattoo of 4 on his cheek.

The cheering of the crowd brought him back to reality, Riko slammed his Exy stick across his back and with a stumble he was finally back on his home court, facing off against his family. The pit in his stomach couldn’t get any lower.

The crowd cheered for the Ravens, a sea of black and red had taken over the small orange fan base with only a handful of bright shining through. 

Riko pulled Neil close, his twisted face snarling in what some would call a smile, “Listen up, you play today and you don’t run and I will let them all live. You screw up, your pet monster and Day are done. Do you understand?”

Neil had no words to say because as Riko threatened his family, they had walked onto the court. Matt and Kevin out front, with the monsters bringing up the rear. It was too hard to see Andrew behind the taller members but from the way Kevin confidently walked up to the Ravens Neil knew he was there.

“Understand?”

“I understand-” Riko shoved Neil again, “Master, I understand Master.” his voice was so small he wanted to punch himself.

Riko had done this to him, made him small and pitiful. And Neil had let him.

The foxes came closer and one by one they stopped.

Matt noticed him first, the smile that had been dancing on his lips as he spoke to Kevin fell instantly. He shook his head, as if trying to clear Neil from his vision. He shoved Kevin and pointed and with that all eyes were upon the now turncoat Neil. 

Kevin looked panicked, his eyes widened in fear as he stepped away from the Ravens, the foxes moved out of his way until he collided with the solid unmoving figure of Andrew Minyard.

Neil never understood the saying, If looks could kill, until he made eye contact with the Keeper.

His unblinking contact sent Neil stumbling to his knees, the hard floor a wonderful relief against the reality he found himself in. Riko dragged him back to his feet, his fingers bruising his forearm. 

“I will kill them.” he whispered before dragging Neils stunned body behind him into the team huddle.

The Ravens crowded around him, their bodies too warm, and too close for any form of comfort. Neil wanted to run, his whole body was screaming to run as far away as possible and leave everyone to fend for themselves.

But it was Andrews laughter that echoed in his head , taking over any thought of running, the laughter from when he had rushed into the blood filled bedroom, the laughter of something broken. 

He was doing this for him, so that no one would have to hear that sound again, so Aaron’s actions were not for nothing, so kevin could be protected and so Andrew would be safe.

Safe.

It was a word Neil had never truly understood till he had found himself squished in the sofa between Matt and Allison one day and he had not thought of their skin touching his, or of his every carefully chosen word as they all spoke over each other about nothing.

But each punch, each slash of a knife on his flesh meant Andrew was safe, and that meant everything to the boy who had run from everything his whole life.

So he pulled himself from the past, pushed his walls up for the present and concentrated on the game.

He would not play today, Riko made sure of that. His Master wanted to win with the Foxes playing their best and he knew they would be soft of Neil. That their hearts wouldn’t be in it.

Riko thought that their feelings made them weak, and Neil had nodded with along with him agreeing but a small voice in the back of Neils mind, the one that sounds oddly like Andrew, had called Riko wrong.

Feelings don’t make you weak, knives do.

“We destroy them, no one gets off easily. Do you understand?” Riko snarled his ‘pep’ talk in Japanese, a language Neil had been forced to rapidly learn during the summer.

The Ravens all cheered, their exy sticks banging together as their Fight Song echoed around the stadium.

Neil threw a cautionary glance towards the Foxes, they all stood staring still, Kevin now hiding half hidden behind Matt and Andrew who looked to be deep in conversation.

The image gave pause, Andrew was talking to Matt, with hand gestures and words.

Neil felt lighter just at the thought that maybe all this pain meant something. 

Then the lightness fell when Riko ripped off Neils helmet, the force ripping his neck out of line.

“What the fuck?” he swore, forgetting his place.

Rikos smile only got larger as he almost tenderly tilted Neils face upwards, the camera around the stadium all pointed to the pair. And from the corner of his eye he saw himself, shining back from the replay screens. His face, bare of any wounds with the dark roman 4 emblaze for all to see, the camera stayed on his face as the crowd stopped cheering. The collective absence of noise was deafening as everyone took in what the tattoo meant.

Neil, the unknown fox was now a Raven, and a member of Riko’s perfect court.

Screams and cheers erupted from the stadium as the fans leapt to their feet, stamping in unison as the Ravens Fight song started all over again.

But movement from the other side of the court pulled Riko and Neils attention, across the court while the Foxes all still stared at the screen one lone figure marked towards them. 

He threw his exy stick behind him.

His helmet and gloves went with it as he stalked towards the Ravens.

A smile that sent Jean cursing and praying in French erupted on his lips.

Andrew Minyard was barely three feet before Neil when he stopped. 

“Hello Junkie.” he purred.

“Run!” Neil begged, his face still held by Rikos hand. The leader of the Ravens forgot his own rule and squeezed hard on Neils chin, bruising bursting almost instantly under his touch.

“You’re touching something of mine.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was better received then I thought, thank you all so much!  
> Please enjoy Andrews POV of chapter one.  
> If I write a chapter three it will be the outcome of the meeting :)

Andrew was bored, which wasn’t a new feeling for the keeper. 

He was bored a lot these days but as he watched Kevin and Matt discuss strategies he was more bored than usual.

Once upon a time he wouldn’t have been bored, he had his own hallucination to deal with. 

Neil.

Neil had been a dream summoned up by the drugs he had been forced to take.

They had forced a smile on his lips, laughter in his chest and a vision of a broken boy for him to focus on. 

But with the drugs gone, he smiled less, his own laughter was an offence to his ears and the broken boy- the broken boy was gone.

A part of him knew the boy wasn’t completely his own, Nicky had talked his ear off the whole way back from rehab about the boy. How he had gone to see his uncle but never returned.

Andrew still didn’t understand his own feelings enough to know if this was a good thing or a bad thing but he did wish on more boring days like this one wish the broken boy was still there for some entertainment.

“Andrew, you with us?” Kevin stopped talking to Matt and pulled all his attention to his friend. 

Andrew really wanted to punch his Exy loving face in.

“Always.” he snarled back, strapping his gloves tighter around his wrists. His arm bands lay under his long sleeved jersey and he could already feel the uncomfortable yet welcomed rub of material on his sensitive skin.

Kevin was still talking, his lips moving but Andrew didn’t register any of the words spoken. He knew it would be about the game, winning and something else about the sport Andrew gave zero shits about.

He just had his eyes on the doors, through those doors lay the Ravens. Who Andrew really wanted to introduce to his exy stick.

Kevin pulled him from any further murdering thoughts by pushing open the doors and after a few words of excitement and encouragement from Dan (that Andrew did not hear at all) they all piled onto the court.

The team had been reworked once again to cover the lack of another striker with Matt taking up the position, untrained and unsuited as he was.

Andrew would play the whole game in goal with Renee filling in for Matt, no one would be on the bench except for one small freshmen who had been signed up on the team just to fill the bench. They needed the numbers and the poor kid didn’t know how to say no.

Like Neil the rude voice that had been playing in Andrews mind since he got sober, it sounded so much like his hallucination.

Not like Neil, Neil ran he snapped back to himself, he could feel the Neil like voice smile back.

Did he? Or did he do something a lot more stupid the voice almost felt like it was smirking and Andrew had to resist the urge to punch himself in the face. 

I hate you he snarled back, his own mind betraying him by answering the voice.

But you would blow me 

Andrew hated the voice.

The crowd erupted with cheer as they walked onto the court, he knew the cheers were not for him but it still almost made him smile. Maybe he didn’t hate the sport as much as he said.

With everyone in front of him he couldn’t see the Ravens but as he could feel their attitudes from where he stood. Their anger and fear mixed together was palatable.

It almost made him laugh.

Then there was silence, not from the crowd they still cheered loudly for both teams but the foxes.

They all stilled, sentences hung unfinished in the air as they all stared at the Ravens, Kevin let out a squeal of pain and stepped away from the front he kept stepping back from the court a look of absolute fear in his eyes until he hit the unmoving Goalie. Andrew shot his hands up and pushed the Striker away.

“What the fuck Kevin?” he hissed and then he looked through the crowd, the Kevin shaped hole in the lineup showed him what had made Kevin so scared. 

Neil.

Riko.

Neil and Riko together.

Andrew felt the wind being ripped from his lungs.

“Well this is interesting.” he said before shoving Kevin behind him. “Stay there, I’ll deal with this.”

Kevin made a noise as if he wanted to say something but Andrew shot him a look that sent the striker stumbling further back.

“Andrew-” Matt stepped in front of the Keeper, his hands empty and raised as if to show the violent male he was no threat, “What are you going to do?”

Andrew smirked, and raised his own hands, exy stick shoved under his arm, the gloves meant he could not reach the knives he kept in his bands.

“I am going to have a little chat with the Junkie and Psycho, wanna join?” 

“Bit rich calling him the Psycho, don’t ya’ think?” Matt quipped back, his own teeth grinding together Andrew could almost hear the enamel breaking.

“He has Neil.”

“Neil went willingly,” Matt reminded him, but even he couldn’t hide the disbelief of his own words.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would he go willinging into that good night?” Andrew couldn’t remember the last time he had spoke this much to anyone.

The question stumped the whole team who had all been torn between staring at Neil and staring at the fact there was a conversation going on with a willing non-punching Andrew.

“They’re a better team?” Kevin whispered still hiding behind the keeper.

“Neil didn’t care about that, he’s not you Kevin.”

Aaron piped up, pulling his own helmet from his head, “Why do you even care?”

Andrew mulled the question over for a moment only to return with an answer to complete silence, he looked around the team and all eyes were off him and staring across the court to a now helmet less Neil.

His cheek seemed to glow against the bright lights and he saw what everyone did. 

The four.

Neils pale skin, freckles long gone or were never there and just an added illusion of Andrews drugs, looked blue against the dark tattoo.

Andrew say red.

Mine the voice screamed against his skull.

“Mine.” he agreed to himself, not even realising he had spoken out loud.

Without another word he stormed forward, the exy stick was the first to go, tossed to the side like it was nothing.

The gloves next, he needed his knifes free just in case.

His helmet gone for no reason other he wanted to look Riko in the eyes, nothing between them.

He walked closer and watched as the Ravens lost their formation, all stepping away from his path, Andrew resisted the urge to bite out at them. 

They think him a rapid monster, and he wanted to give them that.

Until-

Until he say Neils eyes, they looked at him pleading, Run, but he didn’t hear the voice echo so he moved closer.

“Hello Junkie.” he purred, making sure his eyes stayed on his hallucination, ignoring Riko on purpose to annoy the madman even more.

“Run.” there is was, no use denying it now, the voice was exactly the same as Neils. 

Well I have finally gone mad he said to himself and to the voice deep within himself.

Riko squeezed Neils face tighter, bruising evident on the pale skin Andrew wanted nothing more than to touch. Gently touch.

“You’re touching something of mine.”


	3. Chapter Three

The smaller man in front of him had to be insane.

Drugs or no drugs he was facing off against Riko, the favourite son of Exy.

A man protected by the Mafia.

For Neil.

“Why?” he whispered, his face still in the vice grip of Riko, he could feel the skin being torn slowly by the other man's nails. Just another set of scars to match the rest.

Andrew just smiled and leaned back on his heels, his eyes not leaving Neils face, unblinking.

“He is mine, Riko.”

Riko finally let Neil go and with a push he shoved the striker behind him, Neil going willingly as Jean came up behind and put another vice grip on his wrist. The wrist with the bandage and torn tendons. He tried to hide his grimace of pain from Andrew. But a flash in the Keepers eyes meant he had seen the weakness.

“You have something of mine.” Neil couldn’t see what Riko stared at but the shaking figure of Kevin on the other side of court was enough to know who he meant.

“No he’s mine too.” 

“You can’t have both of them, Minyard, or after your ‘brother’ and your ‘doctor’ do you enjoy the extra attention?” Rikos words hit where they were meant to and Andrew turned a particular shade of pale. Neil wanted to run to him, to shield him from Rikos every word.

Then the words meaning hit him.

Doctor?

“You promised he would be safe!” he snarled and thrashed against Jeans grip, his feet kicking out from under him and finally after popping his shoulder out again (ouch) he reached for Riko with the other arm, an unaimed and badly executed fist slammed into Rikos cheek. The man was unmoved by the action and instead brought his own hand up and shoved it hard into Neils unprotected shoulder, he screamed in agony as the dislocated shoulder was forced further out of place. The scream was echoing in his ear as he fell to the floor at Riko’s feet.

“Please.” he heard himself say before he could take the word back, he flicked his eyes up to Andrew. 

Who had heard the word escape.

He smiled broadly and for a moment Neil thought the drugs were back in his system.

“I’m going to enjoy this.” the words held no emotion but his actions did, the smaller man sent his fist flying out and grabbed Riko by the struff.

While Riko had the height, he had no way of knowing how much Andrew bench pressed and as he pulled him down to his eye level even Neil could see Riko had the right idea of being scared.

“You are going to let him go, you are going to walk away from this court and maybe just maybe I will let you live.” the threat was not empty as Andrew brought his knee up and straight into Riko’s groin. The captain of the Ravens stumbled as he was let go. 

The crowd around them all started to scream and cheer depending on the team they supported.

Neil felt Jeans foot on his back and then his face was pushed further into the court. 

From his unfortunate vantage point he could just see Riko rise, grabbing a team mebers Exy stick and losing his control as it slammed into Andrews side. 

The Ravens all cheered as the keeper stumbled back, Neil couldn’t see Andrews face but he heard his laugh. So like and unlike the laughter from that afternoon in Nickys house it was unnerving. 

He tried to call out but with the extra weight on his chest he couldn’t get the air in to make anything more than wheeze.

Then he saw them. The foxes all coming to the aid of Andrew, Matt running head first into a whole bunch of the Ravens hid Exy stick raised. Allison a close second behind him, her tiny feet skittered past Neil as he felt Jean shift slightly off him. 

Wymack was screaming as he ran over, pulling Nicky off a Raven Neil had less than fond memories off.

He couldn’t hear what his coach not your coach was saying but Nicky at least had the respect to look sorry for his actions.

Jean pulled Neil to his feet. Rapidly speaking in French so quickly the words made no sense.

But he left his good shoulder being pulled away from his family and with a stumble and another knock on the head by the Ravens keeper Neil succumbed to the darkness.

Did you really think you would be saved was the last thought he had before he fell, the voice a twisted mix of his father and Riko.

 

\---------------------

The fight was exhilarating and for the moment all thoughts of rehab, his brother and Neil were out of his mind as he pulled his fist back for another punch aimed for Rikos stomach. He even left the knives in their place, he wanted to feel fight.

One eye was kept on Jean, the backliner was still kneeling on Neil. His knee digging the smaller boys whole body deep into the ground, his arm splayed out in an almost impossible angle.

The bloodlust his team had always said he had was almost touchable as his fist found its mark and Riko left out a small squeal. But the older boy retailisted with a swing of his Exy stick and Andrew felt it hit his neck and the floor hit him way to hard as he fell.

“That all you got.” he purred as he sprung back up, “I’m not Neil or Kevin you gotta be harder than that.” He knew how he would look, fresh blood from a wound on his head was dripping onto his collar, a bruise in the shape of Rikos fist was blooming under his eye but he hadn’t felt this alive in many years.

“FOXES! What the actual fuck!” Coaches voice broke through all the fights noise and Andrew turned to tell Wymack to mind his own business when Rikos Exy stick found its mark and Andrew suddenly fell straight to the floor, the darkness a welcoming embrace.

Great save the Neil like voice mocked before Andrew was gone to the world

 

\-----------------------

Neil awoke to his good arm cuffed to his too familiar bed in the Raven's nest. The black floor to ceiling room was an absence of everything and hurt his head more than any bright light.

He was alone which was the only saving grace to the whole situation.

He took stock for the moment, his stitches were still there he could feel them taught against his skin. His shoulder was gone, even if he saw a doctor now he knew he would never hold an Exy stick with it again.

If Kevin can so can you! The voice was shockingly like Andrews and after years of hearing only his father's voice in his head Neil almost cried.

“I’m better than Kevin.” he reminded himself, “I will not break.” 

The door swung open at that comment and Riko saunted in, as if he had been listening through the keyhole.

“Glad to see you’re awake.”

“Fuck you.” careful now Junkie the voice was reassuring against Riko’s stare.

“So you’re better than Kevin? Interesting… you see Kevin was my brother. My friend against the world and yet he betrayed me. Like you did on the court yesterday,” So I’ve been back a day Neil registered hiding that information deep within himself, “We had to forfeit the game, and disciplinary hearings for all of us. Not good Nathaniel, not good at all.”

Neil knew that voice, knew it too well after the last few months. 

Pain was coming.

A great and terrible pain.

Do you want to Run? His father's voice was back, mocking him as he tried to pull his wrist free on the cuff.

“Now we had a discussion while you slept, and we have decided to take you up on your offer.”

“What offer?” he spat. True fear taking over his whole body Neil wanted to do nothing but run, the one cuff was the only thing stopping him. He had run before with broken ribs and stitches. How hard could it be with them and a dislocated shoulder?

“To take all our punishments of course. It was such a kind offer.”

Riko laughed as the other Ravens all seemed to file in, Jean bringing up the rear. He at least had the dignity to not look Neil in the eye, and as he tried to catch the Frenchman's eye he saw the bruising under his skin and the red rimmed eyes.

Jean doesn’t want to do this imaginary Andrew noted, Remember Kevin said he was stronger than he looked

So that could be it, Jean could be his ticket out of here. But how would he get him alone before the whole team took a piece of him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this isn't going to end very well for our Neil is it? Or will it?  
> Who knows...  
> I literally have no clue :) anyway please enjoy the fact that I have updated so soon! It might not happen so soon next time because of work but enjoy!


	4. Chapter Four

Andrew He had never fought consciousness as much as he did when he heard the arguments around him. Staying still he thought to himself as his body took stock of his injuries, a few bruised ribs maybe a concussion but the rest of him felt the same as normal, numb.

_You shouldn’t be numb_

“Shut up Neil.” he whispered fear lacing every word, but his hallucination was right, Andrew shouldn’t be numb. He was off his meds. The fear gripped tighter and he fought against it, his body thrashing as he tried to feel- something.

Hands grabbed his shoulders and feet and he wanted to scream the touch was unwelcome and more fear inducing then any numbing drug.

“Andrew- It’s us.” Nicky's voice sounded so far away Andrew wasn’t even sure he was there.

Then the slap came, sharp and painful against his cheek and his eyes flew open.

Coach was holding his hand back to slap again.

“You enjoyed that too much.” he spat out, rubbing his cheek.

“Been dying to do it for years.” Wymacks smile made Andrew almost want to return the affection but instead he settled for a scowl. The rest of the foxes all stepped away from Andrew and for once their hatred of him felt like a relief. He wanted to be alone. But the relief was short lived as while they all stepped away from the shorter man they made no attempts to leave the room. They filed onto the sofas and chairs and like every time there was a Neil shaped hole in their arrangement.

“So we banned from playing yet?”

Kevin scoffed, “Far from that, we have to go see a disciplinary board next week but other than that they let us off easy.”

“Why?” Aaron spoke up from the corner of the room, his body language was guarded as he leant against the wall, his back so straight it was as if the wall was the only thing keeping him up.

“Riko started it, he hurt Neil first-”

“In front of people!” Kevin couldn’t let Wymack finish his sentence he was excited, for once Andrew realised the bottle of Vodka in Kevins hand wasn’t being guzzled with fear but with joy.

_He has a drinking problem_ Neil cooed.

_I have a you problem_ Andrew snapped back.

“The cameras saw the fight, they saw the bruises on Neil and the shoulder injury. Riko is in huge trouble if he thinks this will go away.” Kevin laughed and poured more Vodka down this throat, Andrew wanted to shove the bottle down it.

“Do you think this is funny? Neil is there because of you and you’re laughing? Fuck you Kevin. Fuck you all!” Andrew didn’t raise his voice and his anger came out almost as calm as everything in him but he wanted to punch something, “And why the fuck am I numb?”

Everyone at least had the audacity to look a little guilty at that. Aaron was the one to confess however, “We gave you a mild sedative, you screamed in your sleep.”

The twins stared at each other, the angry radiating off Andrew seeped to his twin. Who looked uneasy at his own confession.

“You needed to rest, no one touched you.”

“No one?”

“I swear.” Andrew nodded and moved his attention away. “How is Riko being outed as bat shit crazy good for Neil? This would be the end of him.”

“Riko is no longer the golden boy, the Ravens have to be done for!” Kevin’s glee was infectious but Andrew didn’t let it overwhelm him, because the whole reason Riko was falling was Neil and the whole reason Neil was there was Andrew.

“And Neil?”

“What about him?” Kevin's words escaped him without a thought, the vodka bottle already back to his lips.

The whole team spun on their heels and chairs, eyes shooting daggers at the striker. Matt rose from where he sat knocking Dan to the side as he made a dash to Kevins side, his fist raised. Wymack stepped between the pair.

“ENOUGH!” he roared, his angry pulsating through his whole body.

Andrew didn’t think he could remember a time the coach had ever been this angry.

“Kevin Shut your face, you’re drunk! Matt sit your ass down! Andrew, put the blade away.” It was only with Wymacks words said did Andrew realise the blades were drawn, he had not even felt they were still on his body.

“We have to get Neil back.” It was Alison who spoke, her knees brought up to her chest she looked much younger than ever before.

“I have spoken to the police, the FBI will be looking into as soon as they can.”

“That might be too late!” Nicky started to pace, the movement giving Andrew more of a headache then before.

_It’s probably too late, good knowing you_ Neils voice didn’t sound defeated, tired, but not defeated so Andrew grabbed onto it with all he had.

He wanted to stand, to punch Kevin and run, blades drawing into the nest. But with the sedative still in place and the reality of the situation too clear in his sober mind he knew this would not be an option.

_You are going nowhere Junkie. I’m getting you back._

_Why?_ Neil’s voice in his head sounded almost as pathetic as the voice that had escaped the real man on the pitch.

So soft and broken it made Andrew wanting to kill him.

_So I can kill you myself._

“So what do we do?”

“We wait.” Andrew mulled the words over, wait… He knew he could wait to find out what happened to his Pipe Dream, but that wasn’t his way.

He stumbled to his feet, swaying as the last of the sedative wore off, blade in hand.

“Or we go to Nest ourselves.” his smile crept up his face, and he knew from the looks of terror on his family and team faces that it was one that would send even Riko running.

\-----

Neil awoke to an absolute level of pain, his body on fire from small cuts and gashes that only one eye took in.

The other sealed shut with swelling and hardened blood.

He could hear his father in his head, telling him what a waste of air he truly was but it was his mother's voice that broke through it all.

_Find your exit_

_Free your hands_

_Take note of a weapon_

_Stand your ground_

_Get up_

_Get up you stupid Boy and run_

_Run!_

The final word was like a switch in his head , he pulled at the cuff holding him to the bed. Pain shot through his whole body but he kept pulling, the mantra his mother had engraved in him screaming over all feeling. He heard his thumb pop as it was pulled from its joint but as it did his hand slipped free.

_Are you running little Rabbit?_ Andrews voice was almost calming against the pain, softer than his own mother's words.

“Yes.” his voice was weak to his own ears but he stumbled to his feet, his knee wanted to give out with he held steady.

The door was left open and with a quick look around the empty corridor he stumbled out.

No Ravens walked the corridors. There was nothing to grab for a weapon, but with his shoulder and dislocated thumb Neil knew the truth, no weapon could protect him now. At the best he could stumble outside and spend his last moments in the sunshine instead of dying in the dark abyss that is the Nest.

_Where are they?_

His feet shuffled along, his pace unbearably slow. Neil knew he wasn’t being quiet, between his shuffling, small murmurs of pain shot from his lips from every movement. He had to grind his teeth to stop any louder noises but some escaped as he stumbled into the wall. The hallway opened up to a larger unlit caven, no exits in sight.

With his bad eye he took it in. An empty space that seemed to swallow up all light, empty of any feeling. Blinking to get a better look it finally settled on Neil where he was.

The court.

Once a place he had played in as a child, it held nothing of the childish wonder it once had. Instead the shadows sucked it up and the feeling in his chest grew larger, this would be the last time he stood on a court.

He look it all in, allowing his body a moment to rest. His knee finally gave up, his body collapsing where he stood.

A scream echoed around him as his shoulder collided with the floor.

_Get up_ Andrew screamed against his skull.

_Get up_ his mothers scream joined Andrews over and over again.

Neil knew what was going to happen to him, this wouldn’t just be the last time he stood on a court, this was the last place he would ever be. “Andrew- I am so sorry.” he whispered to the shadows. Tears falling from his good eye he let the pain take over.

_I am so sorry_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is darker than originally thought  
> sorry?


	5. Chapter Five

Once upon a time Neil had thought he would die quickly, a bullet to his head, a car hitting him as he walked down the road, he had even thought his father would do it quickly, overly excited with his knives and he would die without much thought of what laid beyond. 

He also had never thought he would think of others in those last moments, his mother made sure he never got close enough to anyone to make them worthy of his last thoughts.

But as Jean dragged him body down the corridor, with ever bump and scrape against the concrete Neils every thought was taken over by the Foxes.

Matt's smile, the toothy grin that seemed to radiate happiness.

Dan’s laugh, echoed with every thump against the floor.

He could almost feel Nicky’s arms around him as the darkness threatened to take over, a phantom hug holding him in the living world.

Kevin's nod after Neil scored on Andrew flashed behind his closed lips.

And then there was Andrew, behind each thought of the other foxes was Andrew, like every moment of the last few months Andrew was ever present in his mind, shaking his head at Neil.

**You are not going to die** , Andrew drawled,  **don’t be so dramatic.**

Jean stopped, dragging Neil from his own subconscious and slapped the striker awake.

“Réveille-toi bâtard, nous devons courir” 

Neil was so out of it he couldn’t translate the language, but he understood the meaning behind the words when he took in where they were. 

The front doors to the Raven Nest, he had only seen them twice before.

They stood like looming beacons against all the black, with frosted glass they were the only source of natural light in the whole building. To Neil they had been the final brick in his self made prison to save his family, and now as he pulled himself to his feet, every bone, nerve and cell screaming in pain, they were a blessing. 

“We have to run.” Jean swapped to English as he dragged Neil further towards the doors. Neil wanted to stumble, his knee and hips screaming for him to stop but the doors were drawing him closer. 

He could die in the sunshine.

That sounded so nice.

**We can be together** his mother's voice cooed against his mind, kinder than he had ever heard her. The thought was nice, being with a kinder version of a mother in a place where she could just be a mother.

He kept moving, one foot in front of the other until Jean pushed the doors open. Sunlight steamed onto his face, he blinked his one good eye into focus as the brightness temporarily blinded him. 

It felt amazing.

Better than being on an Exy field.

Better than dinner with the Foxes.

Almost better than Andrews arms around him.

Jean dragged Neil was any further happy thoughts as they ran (and stumbled) down the path away from the Ravens Nest.

No students stopped them as they stumbled along the path.

The trees were turning brown in the autumn sunshine, their caste off leaves crunching under Neils bare feet.

Jean kept a steady hand on his shoulder, his touch almost kind as he helped the striker drag broke body along.

“Why?” Neil gasped out, trying to find the reason behind this unforeseen kindness in the old boy.

“Because it’s the right thing to do?” his own answer sounded fake to them both.

“Liar.” Neil muttered before tripping on an uplifted part of the concerte, Jean held him tight so his fall was in slow motion. Damaged knees hit first then his weak wrist caught the rest of the fall. Neil's body couldn’t move any further, the broken ribs screamed as he tried to drag himself into a sitting position. Jean sat behind him and dragged him to his chest, Neils back found comfort in the touch though his brain was still on edge on the thought of someone touching him. 

“Because I wouldn’t want to die there either.” Jean muttered. Neils eyes fluttered with exhaustion.

“Thank you-” he whispered, “Tell Andrew- oh he knows.” he whispered before falling gently into Jeans ambrace. His eyes closed and his breathing hitched Neil went willingly into the comforting darkness.

His last thought was of cigarette smoke and sharp knives.

\-------------

The bus pulled into another petrol station, the team almost fell out as they tried to stretch their legs as quickly as possible.

Andrew glared at each and every one of them. 

He rationally knew they needed petrol, breaking down would be worse than the fifteen minute stop they required but he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the worst moments in his life. They were all less than fifteen minutes long.

He wanted to scream, to throw a punch at someone but the team left him alone. The silence was deafening, no one spoke a word except for Matt who muttered directions to Coach every so often. 

Andrew knew the older man knew his way from the foxhole court to the ravens nest, Coach had probably memorized every route possible after so many issues had cropped up this year. The coach was a boy scout to the core- Always prepared.

The fifteen minute stop was up quickly and everyone piled back on. No one looked his way except for Aaron who didn't stop at his normal seat but with two coffee cups in hand slid into the seat in front of the goalie. 

He passed the coffee over silently, before settling into the chair putting one earbud in and closing his eyes.

A small part of Andrew wanted to smile at gesture his twin was making, but instead he brought the black coffee to his lips.

The smile bloomed then as he swallowed the overly sweetened liquid.

Aaron was being nice.

**Why?**

“Why?”

Aaron opened one eye and took in his brother, “Because for some fucked up reason I care that you’re upset.”

“I am not upset.”

“Liar.” 

“You’re the second person to say that today.” Andrew tried his hardest to keep the anger from his words but even Aaron wasn’t dumb enough to ignore the heat behind the words.

“Then grow the fuck up and feel what your feeling.” Andrews brows rose, maybe Aaron was dumb enough to ignore it. “You act like you don’t care, and I get why. I do. But Andrew, you like that fucker. And maybe it’s because you grew up only receiving love that comes with really bad strings attached. But it’s not always like that.” 

It was the most words one brother had said to other that didn’t end with a knife to the throat or a punch to the gut.

“He is a rabbit, he will run the first chance he gets.”

Aarons left brow rose, it was the mirror image of Andrews own ‘bullshit’ face.

“He ran when you killed Drake-”

“No he didn’t.”

“He ran when I went to rehab.” His voice was so small, each word a weeping wound.

“He ran to keep you safe.”

“Liar.”

“You heard him on the court -  _ You promised he would be safe  _ \- those were his words, I think. Not all of us have an eidetic memory.”

Andrews top lip snarled and Aaron smirked.

“So did he run away or did he run into danger for you?”

Andrew had no answer he could give his brother.

**So your brother understands?** Neil chimed in.

**I will kill you.**

**Oh, Andrew- don’t you understand yet?**

The silence his own subconscious created was killing him as he waited for Neil to continue talking.

**You can’t kill the dead**

Then his mind went silent- Neil was gone from his mind. He pulled at his own hair, the blonde locks giving way under the strength of his fingers. No amount of pain or begging could get Neil to respond.

“Coach?” Aaron called down the bus, “I think somethings wrong.” 

Aaron turned to his brother and saw the tears falling free as Andrew looked up at him, his eyes glistening as he mouthed the same words over and over again.

“He’s gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.... this didn't go to plan.  
> I am not 100% happy with this chapter but it is what it is.  
> Let me know what you think.
> 
> Also small disclaimer: I do not speak French, I was once told my a Frenchman to never speak it again EVER so sorry for the very bad translation.


	6. Chapter Six

_ He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s gone,  _ the words repeated over and over again dragging Andrew further into his own mind.

_ Please- _ he begged himself, the world a broken noise that Andrew hadn’t heard in so long.

**Oh don’t you worry lover, I have him now.**

The voice inside Andrews head was chilling, a shiver running down his spine as he rocked himself on the bus seat. His vision was long blurred, he could make out Aaron staring at him but his brother was undefined and his words fell on deaf ears as the voice echoed.

Drake.

The monster that hid inside The Monster.

Andrew wanted to laugh, he wanted the cool darkness that his meds had once given him. But instead he felt everything, the fear of losing Neil, the fear of leaving Neil alone to face the Ravens and then the dread set in. Neil could be left alone with Drake, in his mind forever, an endless loop of torture for both Neil and Andrew.

“Get out of my head.” he hissed, teeth grinding together.

**I could almost have a set, the junkie and the psycho, you just need to give me your brother** . 

“No!” Andrew threw his head back colliding with the flexiglass window. The thump caused the bus to swerve as Coach looked back.

“What the fuck!” he cursed back, as he got the bus back on track.

Andrew finally brought the world back in focus. He didn’t even try to apologise for the violent outburst. The pain pulsing in his head was a solid comfort against Drakes laugh that was now settling around him.

Aaron moved to sit next to him, his knee not quite touching his twins but the solid form was almost a comfort.

**You’re going soft.**

Andrew almost threw his head back again against the window when the laughter changed. 

The harsh tone he associated with Drake softened to a light chuckle, Neil's nervous laugh was music to his ears.

_ You’re back  _

**Not for long, did you miss me?**

_ No  _ Andrew lied to himself.

**Will you miss me?**

Andrews answer of silence was enough to know he would miss Neil if anything happened to him. 

“We need to drive faster.” Andrew spoke out loud, almost shocking his brother who had just settled into the silence.

“Coach is, okay.”

The twins fell into silence, their knees just out of reach of each other. Andrew closed his eyes and the exhaustion hit him.

**I’ll see you soon.** Neil and Drake said together as he drifted off.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Andrew woke with his usual jolt, his knife flying from his hand on instinct.

“Congratulation you killed trig.” He turned his eyes to Aaron, the offender that had awoken him from a dream.

A wonderful dream where he and Neil sat on the roof, chain smoking cigarettes and no one spoke. 

He liked that dream.

He did not like Aaron who smirked while removing the knife from his Trigonometry book.

“Who brings homework on a rescue mission?”

“A future doctor.”

“Nerd.”

“Psycho.”

They smirked together, “Why am I awake?”

“We’re here.”

Those two words brought Andrew to alert and suddenly he was scrambling over his brother to rush off the bus. His teammates were already off, all standing around in a semi circle talking a man in a well tailored suit.

A Federal agent.

Andrew tried to hide the sneer on his face as he shoved himself forward, ignoring the inward cringe he felt as he knocked shoulders with his teammates.

“Where is he?” Niceties were not his style and he wasn’t going to start now.

“Andrew-” Coach tried to calm him but Andrew would not calm down, Neil's voice was now interwoven with Drakes in his mind, both tormenting him as he stood his ground.

“Where is he?”

The federal agent tried not to smile, an action that had Andrew itching for his knives.

“We have the area surrounded and I was just telling your Coach, you can all wait at the motel for more information.”

Andrew truly smiled then, a look that made everyone who knew him take a step back. Aaron called out a warning but Andrew took no notice of it.

He looked behind him at Kevin, who had said nothing since their fight a day before (or was it Days, Andrew couldn’t remember) and he smiled almost sadly at his friend.

“I’m breaking my promise.” he said before pushing his way past the federal officer, who yelled and started after him but Andrew knew he wouldn’t catch up. The man was older, worn knees and a bad back while Andrew had motivation.

Andrew had to get to the nest.

Had to get to Neil.

His legs pushing him forward, he wasn’t a running, not like Neil was but he didn’t stop.

The path that snaked around the Ravens Nest was familiar after a handful of Exy Banquets and his own wanderings he knew where to go but he barely needed his in build map as all he had to do was follow the people.

No one stopped him.

Maybe they knew they shouldn’t or even couldn’t stop him.

There was a crowd just metres from the main door, more men in suits stood around while medical officers dealt with someone on the floor.

Andrews keen eyes took it all in and then saw the man standing to the side, blood covering his shirt, hands and face Jean Moreau looked distraught as he swayed in the early morning light. 

Andrew pushed his way towards the backliner, a knife already in his grasp. 

Jean saw him and took a step back before freezing and hanging his head.

Andrew wasn’t to much of a monster to not notice the tears that fell from the Ravens eyes, and the small sobs that escaped.

_ No! _ He screamed inside,  _ No! _

Tee knife was too Jeans throat before either could realise it.

“Je suis désolé.” he sobbed out his throat bobbing close to the blade as if he wanted it to slice him. 

Andrew dragged the knife along the other man's Adam apple before pocketing it, it was no fun if they wanted it.

“Where is he?”

The French that stumbled from Jean was unhelpful to the angry keeper and he pushed him.

“English! Now!”

“Over there.” he raised a shaking bloodied hand pointed towards the crowd of people.

It took fifteen seconds for Andrew to shove his way to the front, fifteen seconds where he could hear Drake taunting his every movement and hear Neils pleading. The two voices overlapped as Drake taunted Andrew for what he was about to see and Neil pleading with him to not look.

Drake won out as he finally stopped running. The coffee he had drunk rose in his throat and he turned to throw up.

Neil laid on a white sheet, the cotton slowly turning different shades of pink and red from the blood that covered the younger boy.

Andrew couldn’t move, nor could he rip his eyes from the broken body in front of him.

Neil's eyes were shut, one swollen so bad not even his long eyelashes escaped under the black and blue skin. His shoulder laid at an uncomfortable angle, with his wrist facing the wrong way and his fingertips ghostly pale. Someone had laid a blanket over the bottom half of his body but it too was soaked in blood. The paramedics around Neil all wore looks of disgust as they tried to bandage up each wound. 

Andrew felt a hand on his shoulder and he went to shove it off till he took in who it was.

Coach was there.

His hand squeezed Andrews and his knees threatened to buckle.

Neil was so white, his red hair ( _ You have red hair?  _ **Oh yeah-sorry** ) was shocking against it. 

His chest was unmoving and Andrew wanted to scream.

But then as Coach tried to drag him away, gently with just a hand on his shoulder, the paramedic swore.

Andrew whipped around and almost fell at Neil's side, his hand ghosting over the bruises as a single word falls from other boys lips.

One eye cracks open and Hazel met Blue.

“Andrew?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.… you guys still mad?  
> The French is "I'm Sorry"- again I don't speak it and google translate can only do so much.  
> Let me know what you think and remember kudos and comments are always appreciated.


	7. Chapter Seven

Relief was not a feeling Andrew was accustomed to, but the warm comfort of relief washed over him as he felt Neils breath against his hands. The Striker was barely breathing but his eye blinked and his lips moved, mouthing Andrews name over and over again.

“Don’t talk.” He pleaded, the pain in his heart leaking into his every word.

“You don’t get to talk now.”

It was unclear to even Andrew if he was talking to the wounded and dying boy on the floor or the voices in his head, Drake was quiet while his inner Neil was gone. Replaced by the boy on the ground.

Couch squatted next to him, his hand gently touching Andrew.

“Minyard, we need to let the paramedics work.” Even the normally immovable coach sounded broken as he gently moved the keeper away.

Andrew went willingly, but his eyes remained on Neil.

The pair stood only a few feet away as the paramedics worked quickly, their faces more trained to be neutral now that they realised Neil had family.

Andrew couldn’t look away as they put on a neck brace and strapped all the wounds, so many wounds. By the time they even thought of bringing out the stretcher he looked like a mummy.

He felt fingers entwine with his and he snapped to look, anger rising quickly at the unwanted touch but his eyes found their twin. Aaron was by his side, his face still as he stood next to his brother and held his hand. 

It felt so normal Andrew wanted to throw up again, but he didn’t pull away from the touch.

“Feelings suck.” he muttered and Aaron chuckled.

Neil was gently placed on the stretcher and moved towards the ambulance. 

Andrew was torn, he wanted nothing more than to climb into the vehicle with Neil and stay with him.

But he knew somewhere near by Riko was still breathing, still existing. None of Neils wounds were from defending himself, no bruising on his knuckles or blood under his nails. He hadn’t held up a fight which meant unless the snivelling frenchman had killed the Exy All-Star, Riko was still alive.

For now.

He pulled away from Aaron and stalked forward.

“Where are you going?” His brother called after him and Andrew stopped.

“Go with Neil, stay with him. I’ll be there soon.”

“Andrew-”

“Please.” The word didn’t hold the pain it normally did however it did hold the same type of gravitas. 

Aaron nodded and followed the stretcher to the ambulance. The police seemed to ignore the college students, concentrating on the broken boy’s. Jean was giving his statement and Kevin was beside him, their hands intertwined as Kevin helped translate the French that leaked from Jeans lips.

Andrew took the time to give a nod to Wymack, who didn’t try to stop him.

He turned his back on his family and felt the calm of anger coat him like a blanket.

Riko would not see the sun set today.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Neil knew he was alive.

He knew the movement underneath him was from the ambulance rushing him to the hospital.

He knew the figure sitting at the foot of the stretcher was Aaron.

But he didn’t know were Andrew was, had he imagines the man's arrival, had his mind delirious from blood loss and pain imagined the look of relief on his team mates face as he had awoken.

He kept calling out for him but he couldn’t hear himself speak. He wanted to scream but as he tried to open his mouth pain shot from his jaw. 

Tears started to fall from his good eye and he could feel the tears running down his battered cheek, the salt burning the open cuts.

Aaron moved closer, his hand a comfort just by being near Neil. The mirror image of Andrew was a comfort Neil didn’t even realise he needed.

“You are going to survive this Josten, do you understand me. You are going to survive this and then you and my brother can continue this twisted little thing you two have going on and I can go back to hating you both.”

Neil almost smiled then he felt the paramedic stick him with a needle and a comforting darkness took him away.

“Andrew-” he whispered, finally hearing his own voice.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The Raven's Nest was empty as Andrew stalked through the dark corridors. He would have laughed at the overly extra black walls and ceiling if he hadn’t slipped on blood on the floor. 

Neils blood.

He stepped further in.

“Riko? Don’t think you can hide from me!” He called, his tone almost musical as he allowed his blades to dance over his hands. He was ready for a fight, his blood bubbling through him as he walked further into the building.

No one came as he called so he continued walking, following the path Neil had inadvertently left him.

Neil was silent in his mind, now that he knew the younger man lived he did not need his voice to keep him going. 

The other voice, Drake, was silent as if even he feared the calm that had settled over Andrew.

For he was calmer than he had ever been, calmer than the drugs had ever made him and calmer then he was on the rooftop smoking with Neil.

This was a murderous calm. And it was addictive.

“Riko? Hiding like the rat you are?” he sung as he stalked further into the building. He knew the layout roughly, having made Kevin draw him maps months ago in case a situation like this arose.

He came to a stop at the opening of the court, he had had the opportunity to play here once. An offer given by the Ravens that he had laughed at. Now as he lost his train of thought in the pool of blood that seeped into his joggers he wondered what type of monster he would have ended up like if he had accepted Riko’s offer.

Would he have joined in the torture of Neil?

Would he have help the younger boy down as Riko dragged his blades over his chest?

Laughed as his shoulder was torn through cartilage?

Or slept soundly ignoring with screams he knew Neil had to have made?

_ No, because while you are The Monster, you’re not a monster _ Neil’s voice was back and for a moment Andrew felt ghost like fingers gently wipe the tears he didn’t realise had fallen.

“98%” he whispered to the air, and felt Neil smile back. 

“Heard you wanted to see me.” The voice came from the shadows and Andrew lifted his knives.

Riko stepped out, the perfect specimen of privilege, he was dressed a black suit, tailored to his body in a way Nicky would have drooled over. His tie was red and the sight was too similar the blood at his feet.

“I owe you.” Andrew didn’t recognise his own voice, it was the deathly calm that had only surfaced when he beat those men in the alley too many years before. 

“I do believe you do, you took two things from me. I don’t like sharing.” Riko sounded bored. He even had the gall to stand examining his nails as if they were discussing the weather.

“You took from me.” 

Riko smiled, the movement looked terrible against his face, “I did prefer Neil to Kevin. He was so-” he paused for effect moving slowly towards Andrew, “Palatable.”

Andrew saw red, the blood from Neil still seeping into his shoes, and he moved quickly. His knife came up and he felt it slice through Rikos flesh. His blood was just as red as Neils and it made Andrew smile.

It wasn’t a killing strike, Andrew didn’t want him dead.

Not yet.

But as he stepped back, breathing heavily, he couldn’t help but enjoy the look of fear that flickered in the other man's eye. Only one eye showing his fear as the other was sliced straight down. It mirrored the ruined Eye Neil would now carry with him forever.

“I didn’t care to hurt you. I didn’t deem it worth anything,” He smiled and ran the bloody knife over his fingers, enjoying the way the blood dripped onto his pale skin, “but you hurt Neil. You used me to hurt him.”

Riko stepped away, he was screaming, calling for his Ravens but Andrew couldn’t hear it.

He heard nothing as he moved closer, the blade heading straight for Riko and Andrews smile reflecting in his fearful eyes.

“I’m going to enjoy killing you.” Riko hissed, though he sounded more scared than scary. He surged forward and the suddenly he was falling backwards. Blood erupting over himself and Andrew who blinked through the blood shred.

Riko was shot.

Andrew turned quickly to see Coach standing there, his hands shaking as he drops the still smoking gun.

“Oh god.” falls from his lips before the older man's knees gave way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do guns still smoke? I don't know...
> 
> So I think there is only one or two chapters left in this story, I don't know how long I can drag out the pain.... or how long I want to.
> 
> Let me know what you think please.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this is graphic--- If you don't want to read it then just skip down to when you see  
> -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.  
> This will be the end of the graphic bits.

There are noises that stay with you.

For Andrew he had three that he would hear till the day he died.

The scream his mother made just before she died.

The whispered “no” Cass muttered when she found out about Drake.

And now-

Now the sound of Riko gasping for air through the gaping bullet hole.

The shot had ripped through his throat, thick blood make each breath he took rattle and bubble up. 

Andrew tried not to smile as he walked closer to his fallen enemy. The police would be there soon, they would want answers on how Exy’s golden boy had died and Andrew had to give them answers as he cast a look at his Coach.

David was still kneeling on the floor, his head down as he stared unseeing at the gun.

“You-” the fallen boy tried to speak, but the words could escape past the blood. So much blood.

Andrew truly smiled then, he walked closer and took in Riko’s eyes.

The boy looked at him with true fear in his eyes, he knew he was dying.

He knew that this was his last moments on earth and he was looking at Andrew with a mix of fear and hope. Hope that there was something human left in the keeper, something that would compel him to save his life.

“You’re dying.” Andrew lifted his foot, his sneaker dripping with Neil and now Riko’s blood and stomped down on the exposed throat.

“This is for Kevin.”

He rose his foot again and as it fell back it founds its mark, Riko’s gargling screams filled the court.

“This is for Neil.”

Riko had turned a shade of pale that was almost blue. He tried to fight Andrew off but he had no strength left.

Andrew lifted his leg to stomp down one more time, his eyes not leaving Riko’s.

“And this- This is for me.”

The final blow sent Riko screaming, the sounds ringing in Andrews ear long after it stopped.

“I’m-” he gargled out before he slipped away.

Andrew stumbled back, the anger that was been running through his system petered off as he took in the still warm corpse of Riko Moriyama.

“Andrew-” Coach dragged him from his own thoughts. The older man was still kneeling on the hard court and for once Andrew realised how much older the man was.

He had aged almost ten years in about three minutes.

“What do we do?” The question had to be asked.

They could already hear the police making their way down the long corridor, the gun shot had been heard.

Or Riko’s screaming had been.

“It was self defence.”

“Was it?” the grief in his voice as obvious, Andrew knew that Coach would carry this day with him till he died. Andrew would too, but not for the same reasons.

Andrew picked up his knife, the weight of it in his blood coated hand a comfort he couldn’t ignore.

“It was now.”

Coach couldn’t stop him in time as the blade cut easily through his own shirt and sunk deep into his abdomen. He gasped out in pain but he pulled it out, one hand holding it tight and he stumbled back to the body.

He fell down as the pain took over but he quickly shoved his knife into Rikos hand, it was still warm to touch and closed his fist.

“Riko stabbed me and you shot him. You have a license. It will be okay.” Each words came out rough as he fought to keep his eyes open. 

Andrew knew where to stab himself, he knew no organs or major arteries had been hit but he had forgotten the pain.

He hadn’t felt pain in a long time.

_ This is your fault  _ he muttered half heartedly to the voice that was Neil.

_ Sorry _

_ No you’re not. _

_ -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. _

Neil awoke to very bright lights.

“Fuck-” he cursed as he tried to blink them away. But the more he blinked the brighter they were.

“Neil?” He turned away from the voice.

Matt was so close he could almost feel his friends body heat on his exposed arm, he couldn’t bring himself to look at his friends face and see anger or betrayal.

Neil knew what he had done, he had left his friends with no explanation. He had lied, broken their trust and walked willingly into their enemies open arms. 

Matt was a kind man, a good man.

He wouldn’t understand.

“It’s okay Neil. You’re safe.” Matt brought a tissue up to his face and gently wiped away the tears Neil didn’t know he was crying. He still refused to look at him.

“Where?” he croaked out.

“Hospital, it's been a week. I’m going to get the doctor.”

Neil only looked around the room when he heard the door shut. He was alone and for the first time in months he was no scared by the thought. The white walls room was divided by cream curtains drawn to give him privacy. He couldn’t see a window, assuming it was on the other side of the room behind the drawn divider.

He sat up gently, tensing as he felt stitches pull. His bandaged covered hands dragged the blanket off his body and he took it all in.

His right leg was strapped almost from toe to knee, the bandages pulled tight. It was his left leg that sent him into a panic.

Where his calf and foot should have been was a great expanse of nothing. The sheets of the bed a stark white of emptiness that was wrong.

It was so wrong.

The panic ripped into him, his lungs working over time as they pushed against his still bruised and broken ribs.

He couldn’t run.

He couldn’t run.

He couldn’t run.

Riko had taken a lot of things from him, but now, he had taken the one thing that Neil needed to survive.

His mother would have killed him before she allowed this to happen.

He wanted to scream but his voice was lost by the time it reached his lips, just a silent scream.

Then a worst thought came into his head.

“Exy-” he whispered through his screams. He couldn’t run, if he couldn’t run, he couldn’t play Exy.

His team wouldn’t want him now.

His family wouldn’t want him now.

He pulled the blanket back over the offending nothingness and sunk into the pillows. 

Andrew wouldn’t want him now.

_ Andrew never wanted you  _ his father sung in the background,  _ none of them wanted you _ .

He kept talking but Neil refused to listen.

He didn’t want to hear his father's voice, even his mothers would be unwelcome at this time.

He wanted to hear Andrews. He wanted to hear the man who kept him sane during his time with the Ravens, though every knife run, every beating, ever training session done on broken bones and torn limbs. He wanted to hear that everything was going to be okay.

The door opened and Matt was back with the doctor following close behind.

Neil tried to smile at the stranger but the mans professional face gave off no warmth unlike Matt who was smiling broadly as he took his seat back at Neils side. Neil looked at his friend now and saw that the smile was genuine.

He grabbed Matts hand and held it tight.

“So I’m not winning any marathons right?”

The doctor chuckled, without any humour, while Matt just squeezed his hand.

“You had a cut that had gotten infected, we couldn’t leave the infected issue or-”

Neil raised his spare hand, “I don’t care, its gone lets move on. Will I walk again?”

“With the right prosthetics you could yes.”

“Will I play Exy again?”

“Neil-” Matt whispered, “That's not something you need to worry about.”

“Will I play Exy again?”

“In a year or so you could walk again, from there who knows.”

The doctor kept talking, he touched Neil without permission that sent him almost falling off the bed. “No.” he muttered before the doctor stepped off and said he would return.

Matt sat still holding Neils had tight.

“We are not going anywhere Josten, you understand me. We are a team.”

Neil smiled back at his best friend and squeezed back, “I am going to play Exy again.”

“Junkie.”

Neil swore and with a shaking hand pulled the curtain divider aside. In the bed next to him was the blonde keeper.

Smiling as he spooned green Jelly into his mouth.

“You are such a Junkie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.… Thoughts?

**Author's Note:**

> So… I have never written a sports story ever, let alone one that's solely based on males POV please let me know what you think.  
> The plan is to do another chapter from Andrews POV


End file.
